Even though I miss my chaos, my storm, I’m madly in love with my calm. It’s tough to hold on to 2 opposing thoughts.
Every day I dream of chaos. Everyday I wake angry the calm isn’t my chaos. It’s not his fault. It’s probably for the best. Everyday I realize if I can’t have chaos, it’s calm who will pay. Bring my chaos back to me or teach me to enjoy calms embraces.
My heart is lodged in one place and my brain continues to try and pull it to another place. Nothing will come of any of this until Sept. Then I’ll either ruin everything or put back together what should have always been. I need a hobby.