I don’t think this is my moment of zen…

Everything feels hopeless. I know it’s just my depression getting the best of me. I don’t even want to smoke. I don’t want to do anything. I know everything takes time and we’ve literally only been here 2 days but my brain is having none of this logic and prefers to dwell in misery of plot lines that make no sense and have little merit to reality. I want to hide and i want to scream but I’m in the house of some really high energy stoners and it just doesn’t feel right. I hate my fiancé for his never ending optimism. Every time he says, “we’re gonna be okk” i want to smack him. My brain is having none of it. Maybe I’m hungry. Maybe i need coffee. Maybe I’ll feel better later today but right now in this moment everything sucks and i can’t see the light at the end of this dark tunnel and I’m tired of walking. Please don’t send me bs on curing depression. I’ve lived in this state off and on since 5th grade. Deep down i know it’ll fade into the back ground but while it’s here all i can do is go thru it. How’s that for being zen? Living in the moment? 

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