Portland….are you my home? 

Yesterday i fell into a depressive funk. Wouldn’t move. wouldn’t talk. cried and got lost in my imagination of horrors. Today I’m renewed, went down for coffee and breakfast with strangers, called a place back for an interview (tomorrow at 11) and the dark thoughts, for the most part, have receded. Even contemplating a writing routine again. Ah the life of mental illness! Lol

I mean looking back always seems so weird. Was i really thinking about ending my life yesterday? The thoughts of leaving my fiancé because he can do better and how I’m dragging him down. That was me. That is me, but so is this. The thought of having a home with room for a garden. The thought of having friends over to smoke and play games. Cooking for my children. Teaching them to be strong. Just sitting and watching something with my future husband and debating some random thing with him. Sitting down and writing for large blocks at a time. And there’s also the part of me who is super famous and wealthy and jet setting all across the globe to star in various roles. My imagination is always full. 

Today I’m happy. Today I’m hopeful. I’m not sure how long it will last but i try not to think about that because it ruins the moment. When i go down again I’ll accept it the same way i accept coming out of my hole. 

Xoxo i wish you all well!

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